Crush on straight guy..?

my problem is i'm gay, closeted, know precisely what my soul desires and realize it is beyond possibilities. i am the victim of an overwhelmingly unyielding crush for a straight man. my mind ever so much fantasizes about him and he discontinues any thoughts of attachment towards anyone else. this has been ongoing for more than a year and a half. the crush has only reinforced in time. nevertheless, he is my idol. i'm not sure if i want to attempt in switching my crush or if it would even be of the least bit effective. do you think this is wrong? is it in my best interest to try and change? i feel like i have been dealt a tough set of cards and want to make the most of my limited life span, for i understand splendor may await downward my path.