Thursday, August 18, 2011
Another poem "Travelers". I just remembered the times I watched the rain after working out. What do you think?
You have some odd word choices here: "bray" is not something leaves do, even here; "not a beginning"; "depart" is a verb, but you seem to be using it as a noun (departure is a noun). "Silent solitude" seems oddly redundant; "feasts of lullabies"? However, phrases like "songs of simple surrender" and "notes of happy laughter" are inspired. What am I to make of you.... a poet? Aim for more consistent and sensible diction and your message will be delivered more clearly. Good but you can improve it if you so desire...
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